Aging As Radiance: Make Your Day Sacred

What if your birthday isn’t just a date on the calendar, but a powerful reset that renews joy, meaning, and courage for the year ahead? 

That’s the lens we bring to a candid, uplifting conversation with birthday coach and author Tamar Hurwitz-Fleming, where we trade party checklists for rituals, mindset shifts, and deeply human stories about what the day can unlock.

We start by reframing birthdays as a personal new year: a 24-hour window where you get full permission to pause, step into the center of your life, and choose delight on purpose. Tamar shares the concept of Birthday Eve—creating a simple altar with photos, candles, flowers, and music—to welcome the “birthday spirit.”

From there, we go practical. Planning is the quiet superpower: take the day off, book the hard-to-get dinner, invite friends early, and be explicit about what you want. 

We also unpack birthday blues and sabotage and with gentle prompts, Tamar shows how to rewrite those scripts and practices so you can have better birthdays year after year.

And perhaps most importantly we challenge the culture that equates beauty with youth and offer a vocabulary of radiance and vitality instead. Unlocking aging as a privilege, a chance to expand power, wisdom, and visibility rather than shrink. 

Whether you’re celebrating a milestone or rebuilding your relationship to your birthday from scratch, you’ll leave our show with accessible rituals, clear boundaries, and a new respect for the day you were born. 

If this conversation resonates, share it with someone who needs some support to have a better birthday, and of course subscribe for more grounded guidance, and leave a review to help others find the show.

Grab Tamar's Book here: How to Have a Happy Birthday

And the Workbook here: How to Have a Happy Birthday Workbook

Plus you can connect with Tamar at her website here: howtohaveahappybirthday.com 

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Transcript

Why Birthdays Matter

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hello everyone and welcome back to the Ground and Root Podcast. I am your host and holistic cancer dietitian Deion Detraz. In my last episode, I mentioned to everyone that this is my birthday month. I am turning 50 this year, which is very exciting. And I spent a little bit of time talking to you about aging and how we can help ourselves age healthfully and why it's so important to celebrate our birthdays and to help us continue that conversation. I have a very special guest with us today, my friend Tamar. I'm gonna tell you a little bit about her and then I'm gonna let her introduce herself more. Tamar Hurwitz Fleming is an award-winning author and birthday coach. So who better to be with us today, who is dedicated to really helping people harness the transformational power of their birthdays so they can experience more joy, more meaning, more fulfillment in their lives. She wrote a book, How to Have a Happy Birthday for those of you on YouTube who can see this, How to Have a Happy Birthday. And in it, she explores why birthdays matter, why they can be hard for some of us, and what we can do to fully put ourselves in the center of our day. I'm so excited to have this conversation. Welcome, Tamar. Thanks, Deanna. I'm delighted to be here with you today. Oh, good. Good. We are so happy to have you here. Tell us a little bit more about you and your background.

Tamar’s Story And The Donut Wake-Up Call

SPEAKER_01 1:25

Well, I'm an artist, I'm an author, I'm an astrologer, I'm a birthday coach, and I also spent 25 years as an environmental educator where I learned all about toxins and how what a problem they are, which is why I love the work you do to help us be mindful of that when it comes to our health. So thank you for that. And about 15 years ago, while I was doing that work, I was also mindful of the birthday experience and realized that I needed to write a book about how to have a happy birthday. And something had happened with a friend who I had just recently met. And I knew his birthday was coming up. And so I said, Hey, what are you doing for your birthday? And he said, I hate my birthdays. I don't like them. I thought, okay, maybe he just hasn't had enough love on his birthdays. And so the day his birthday came, I brought him a big box of donuts and I said, Happy birthday. And he got really mad at me, slammed his hand on the table and said, I told you I don't like my birthdays. And I walked out of that, I said goodbye and walked away with the donuts. And I thought, something's up. There's a real issue here. And I started to think about my own birthday experiences. And I realized I've had a string of happy, sad, and terrible birthdays. And I realized a lot of us have that experience. And in understanding how powerful a good birthday can be, I decided to put my attention to that concurrently with my other career. And since that point, I've been focusing full-time on my book and doing podcasts and helping people and being a birthday coach and helping people realize there's so much power and joy to be had when we celebrate our birthdays with intention.

SPEAKER_00 2:52

Yeah, I love that. I love that. I happen to be somebody who's always loved their birthday. And with your background in astrology, maybe you would have some explanations as to why that is. But certainly, like my son and Sagittarius, my moon and Leo, I'm kind of like, I love having the center of attention. Right. Like I celebrate the whole month. I have no, I don't shy away from it at all. But I know that's not everybody. I know not everybody feels that way about their birthdays. So this is another reason why I thought it was so important to bring you on because I think, and I would also say, in the context of the work that I do, moving through a cancer journey with people as well, I feel like it puts your birthday in a different, a different perspective. But it's like this huge wake up call that none of us really know how much time we have left. And what a gift that we're here to celebrate another birthday.

SPEAKER_01 3:45

That's exactly right. That aging is a privilege, right? Every extra candle on the cake is a blessing, especially those folks on the cancer journey know that more than most. And so, how can we enhance the joy of the birthday? How can we enhance the power? Because there's so much spiritual power. You know, our birthday is the day we were born. It's the day our life began. It's the day we left the spirit world and became physical. I can think of nothing more spiritual than when our birthday rolls around every year and that alignment, that spiritual alignment is there. So there's power, there's magic, there's joy, but we have to take charge of it. We have to plan for it, we have to open up to it and let it flow. It's amazing what can happen on our birthdays. And yes, aging is something that, again, is a privilege. And having a birthday is something absolutely worth celebrating.

SPEAKER_00 4:31

I love that. That actually gave me chills when you talked about it being such a spiritual day, which I mean, of course, makes sense, but I don't know how many of us think of it in that light. Like, you're right. And that is when we literally came to the earth. Like that is a really important day. So let's talk. I would like to spend a little bit more time talking about that. Like, how can we, like, why do you think either spiritually or not, but why is it so important to celebrate this day? And like you mentioned, what kind of magic, like, what can we tap into that we may not even realize on this day?

Aging As Privilege And Spiritual Alignment

SPEAKER_01 5:04

Birthdays are just one year out of the day, and everybody gets the same 24-hour period. It's a true equal opportunity provider, right? I don't get 28 hours and you get 22, right? And we all get one 24-hour period. And it's the one day that everybody gives us permission, if we take it, to press the pause button on life as usual, put ourselves in the center of our life, ask ourselves what do we want to do? What would delight us? What would lift our spirit? What would bring joy to us, and then make it happen, right? We can talk later about things like the birthday blues, which happen when we're when we abdicate and get passive and expect other people to show up for us and then we get disappointed. But really, it's a day for us to take charge of our own joy. And I think that's very powerful because a lot of us are people pleasers, a lot of us are caretakers, a lot of us feel like we're being selfish or narcissistic, especially if we're women, if we put ourselves in the center of our life. But the birthday gives us one day a year to do that with permission. And the spiritual part of it is that it's like Stonehenge. You know, when the sun aligns perfectly through Stonehenge, it's like that on your birthday. The spirit is totally in alignment with you on your birthday. And so when we work with that energy, when we open up to it in whatever way that feels right to us, whatever spiritual practices we do, however ways we can welcome in the birthday spirit with the magic and the joy and let it happen, just turning on the radio and seeing what songs we'll play for you is a magical act because you will be surprised what songs will come to you on your birthday. Because I like to say God likes to play DJ, especially on your birthday. Also, you know, I remember my birthday a few years ago. I was with friends. We were playing a card game I'd never played before. There's 13 rounds. Part of it is luck, part of it is choice. And uh, I won 11 out of 13 rounds. It was unheard. I never played it before. It was unheard of, but it was my birthday, and I knew it was the birthday magic. And I kept, oh, it's birthday magic. I kept winning and winning and winning. It was amazing. Sure enough, two days later, it wasn't my birthday. We played again and I only won two rounds. And I knew that was expected. So pay attention, open up to the magic that's there on your birthday and believe it to be true, because it is, and receive it and it'll magnify. It's amazing what can be there for you on your birthday when you open to it and see it that way.

SPEAKER_00 7:13

Oh my gosh, I love that so much. That's so exciting. Particularly because I'm just like a couple weeks away from mine. So I'm like, planning, how are we gonna do this? So that might be the next segue is okay, we know we have this opportunity, this 24-hour period every year. How do we set ourselves up to get the most possible, you know, experience from it?

Tapping Birthday Magic With Intention

SPEAKER_01 7:36

Birthdays are a major holiday, they're just like your personal new year. And just like any major holiday, they just they require planning. So don't expect to wake up on your birthday and say, okay, now what? Start thinking about it at least a month in advance. What do you want to do? Do you want to go have a spa day? Do you want to go have dinner at that fancy restaurant where it's hard to get reservations? Do you want friends over? You got to invite them, you got to give them time to say yes. So planning ahead is the first thing you have to do. Even if you don't quite know what you want to do a month in advance, start thinking about it. So planning is key. You must plan for your birthday. Also, think about you, what you want to do, not what would make your family happy, not what would make your friends happy, but what would make you happy. And there are some people who actually want to be solitary on their birthdays. And that can be hard for the people around them. You know, we always assume we want to be included. Fair enough. But you know, if you want to go take a solo hike on your birthday, or you want to go off with your girlfriends and not necessarily spend time with the family until later in the day, that's okay. You get to do what you want to do. And so that's important, allowing yourself to do that. The one thing that I love to do, and you might want to do this if you haven't already, is on birthday Eve. Birthday Eve is a very special time. I mean, think about Christmas Eve. Isn't Christmas Eve fun? Isn't there a spirit that builds? Yeah. That's the anticipation of Christmas the next day. It's the same with your birthday. So birthday Eve is when the birthday spirit arrives. I like to create an altar. I like to find a space in my home, put up crystals and flowers, a happy birthday banner, photos of myself from childhood, photos of my parents who are no longer alive, things that matter to me. And I create a beautiful altar, like the candles, put on the music. And as soon as I've created that altar on my birthday eve, it's like the light switch. The birthday spirit has arrived. I'm ready for my birthday the next day. And it's it's like a freebie. It's like special private time that's magical and lovely in anticipation. So I highly recommend that for people to do. And then, of course, when the birthday comes, I like to wake up and spend some time in front of my altar first thing in the morning. I found that when I, when I have a spiritual grounding in the morning of my birthday, whether it's journaling or having a quiet moment outside with my tea or sitting in front of my birthday altar, getting grounded and present with myself helps me be present for what's to follow. The times I haven't done that, when I wake up and just dive into my activities, I always felt like I missed the bus. Wait, where am I through all of this? You know, I wasn't connected to my inner self. And that was an important thing I learned. So part of my birthday ritual is connect with my spirit first thing in the morning. And when I'm in front of my birthday altar, I offer gratitude for my life. I offer gratitude for myself. Wow, thank you. I'm so grateful I get to be me in this life. Like, how wonderful to offer gratitude for yourself and the kind of person you are in this life and the good things you're doing in the world. It's a beautiful act of healing and self-affirmation to have those moments with yourself on your birthday. And I can think of no better day to do that.

SPEAKER_00 10:20

Oh, I love that. I'm so grateful for these reminders because even though I've read your book, it's been a little while. And I definitely took the helms of the ship and I said, we are celebrating my 50th. Like I was going back and forth. What should I do? Should we be talked about maybe going to Barcelona or like taking a trip? And I decided, you know what? No, I'm gonna have a party. And I'm gonna invite all of my friends here. I'm in France, so not everybody can come, but I'm gonna invite all my friends. And I've actually set it up exactly the way I want to. And I'm really like not being self-I'm let's say I'm not being selfless about it. I'm being like, yeah, this is what I want. This is the playlist we're gonna listen to. This is the food we're gonna have. You make your tiramisu, you bring, I'm just like the conductor, totally. So I'm feeling very excited about that. But this is not happening on my actual birthday, it's happening the weekend after my birthday. So what you said just now is making me remember oh, this gives me the opportunity to do something else on my actual birthday, and then have the party as well. But I appreciate that reminder.

SPEAKER_01 11:33

And I'm so glad you said that. First off, you said many things I want to address. The fact that you're taking charge like the conductor, and but you're including people. Like, please come and help me celebrate. And I would love it if you brought the tiramisu. Right. That's beautiful. People want to celebrate you, but they're not mind readers. So you need to involve them, invite them, and list them, and they want to show up. They're happy to do that. So I love that. I love that you've got the playlist all set. Yes, yes, that's the way to do it. But also, what you said is that your birthday is not on your actual birthday. The birthday, the party. I'm sorry, the party. Your birthday is the day. You have to do, you can choose to do whatever you want on your birthday, but let it be a sacred day because it is. So take the day off work. That's another thing I forgot to mention. Like any major holiday, you get to take the day off. So take the day off, plan in advance so that you're not canceling appointments at the last minute, whether it's with a doctor or a client, and decide what you want to do, but make your birthday altar the night before, have your spiritual moment in the morning and decide what you want to do to celebrate your day. And I promise it's going to feel so fulfilling to have that uplifted, spiritual, joyful day for yourself. And then you get to celebrate the weekend after.

SPEAKER_00 12:42

Yeah. No, I love. I'm yeah, really happy that you reminded me of that because to be honest, I've been so focused on the party that I forgot about didn't forget. I had already taken off work, like I'd already blocked time off, but to actually think through a game plan for that. So I love we'll start with the altar and we'll go from there. Yeah. That's so great. Great. I can't wait to hear all about it. You'll be the first to hear. Yeah. I'll tell you all about it. It's funny though, again, I and I know we're not all wired the same way. Like for me, it's just really easy to take control. And for my husband, I don't think he's ever had to come up with a present in our entire relationship. Because I'm just like, this is what I want. This is what I want you to get me. Like I've always been very yeah. But I know that's not easy for everybody. So I want to talk about the other side of this. You had mentioned a little bit earlier about handling the birthday blues. And sometimes that comes when you're just, you just don't ask for what you want, right? So tell us a little bit more about that and how to avoid that.

Plan The Day You Actually Want

SPEAKER_01 13:40

I will, but can I just backtrack one second about the gift your husband gives you? I love it that you ask for what you want, makes it easy for you and for him. But consider asking for this as well if it's comfortable. My birth, my husband always gives me a gift, and uh, but he gives me something else that matters far more. And he writes me a love letter every year on my birthday. Yeah. And he just pours his heart out, looks on the year back, looks on the year for like it is so meaningful to, you know, and he he shrinks it and types it into the card and glues it in, you know. Oh, I love that. That is that is the gift. So for anybody listening that wants to ask their partner to write them a love letter for their birthday or their kids, or there's so it means so much, especially on your birthday when you're already wide open. So I just want to say that as another gift to consider.

SPEAKER_00 14:24

I will definitely ask for that. Thank you. Yes.

Birthday Eve Rituals And Altars

SPEAKER_01 14:28

Um, and in terms of the birthday blues, they are a thing. A lot of people like you are birthday positive, right? They're on the spectrum of the birthday positive side, and a lot of people are on the birthday avoidance side. And I think if you draw a line right down the middle, we're half of us are on one side of the spectrum and the half are on the other side. So many people don't like their birthdays. And I think a lot of the reason is because childhood experiences were disappointing. And when we're children, we're really excited and open. We're like seeing enemies. We're sensitive and we know birthdays are special. And yet when something happens to hurt our feelings, shut us down, make us feel unlovable, we really shut down like seeing enemies. And we don't want to open up again to that disappointment. But wait, today's my special day. Why are you going fishing? Just because it's the opening of fishing season. That's actually a true story I heard from somebody. Um, you know, and you know, or you're you're watching the football, the big football game instead of celebrating my birthday because the college football game annually mattered more to you. There's certain signals we get as children that make it seem like our birthdays actually aren't that important, which guess what, folks, means we're not that important. So we shut down to birthday hopes. Also, as we go through life, we find that we get into a relationship and we expect our partner to read our mind and show us the rat or our kids and do the razzle, dazzle, put us in the center of their world and make us feel like the royalty we are, but then they don't really do it that right. Or they we're running out of time, or oh, sorry. And then we feel disappointed. We again we shut down. So when we outsource our joy on our birthday to other people, without taking control of it first ourselves, we set ourselves up for disappointment and then it feeds the loop. See, my birthdays don't matter. I don't want to open up to the joy, push them away. So there, I just want to call that out for folks who are listening who don't like their birthdays. Ask yourself what happened in your past to give you that negative experience that really shut down your heart to being special on your birthday. And I encourage you to leave that in the past. Let yourself embrace the possibility that maybe you do get to have a happy birthday, that you do deserve that, and take charge of the day to make it be what you want and plan for it so that you can experience a happy birthday. Now, the birthday blues come hand in hand with birthday sabotage. That's a subconscious thing that we do, right? If I've already decided I don't like my birthday, then guess what? Any attempts to make it a happy day, I'm gonna find a way to sabotage it. And there's some ways we do that. The first way is we ignore our birthdays, just don't talk about it. So, how can we have a happy birthday if we ignore it? We don't tell people about it. How can they celebrate it if we don't, they don't tell us? I mean, we don't tell them. Um, sometimes we pick fights with people close to us, believe it or not. In the days leading up to our birthday, we get sensitive and there's a lot of emotion there. And I have it even with me. And I love my birthdays, but I feel my energy, my spirit, my energy, my emotional state getting thinner, less, less padded. And so I'm more sensitive to any kind of negative energy that comes my way. And so if there's anything that happens in the days leading up, especially the day before, don't get into heavy conversations the day before your birthday. I swear, the day before my birthday, my this year, my husband wanted to talk about taxes. Now that's not a heavy conversation, it's not emotional, but it was, I'm born in January, so it's time to look at your taxes. So he's like, Can we talk about the taxes? And normally I'd say, sure, just give me a minute. But I was ready, I was starting to gather my stuff from my birthday altar. And I said, wait, time out. Actually, no, we're not gonna talk about taxes today. We're gonna push that a few days out. It's time for me to embrace my birthday spirit. So being mindful of conversations you don't want to get into because you recognize that they're gonna bring your energy down, whether it's emotionally or just in the mundane, pay attention to that and protect your energy as your birthday approaches. And sometimes we get so stressed out and we're not willing to have a good time because we don't believe we deserve it that we might get sick. We just might get a cold. See, I have a cold, I can't really have fun today or tomorrow. And also another thing that happens is that our people close to us can sabotage our birthday joy. I've talked, I know many couples, and I'm really sad to say this, where I know one woman, all she wanted for her birthday was for her husband to bring her a birthday cake. And he wouldn't do it. I'm like, whoa, what's up in your marriage? There must be a lot of resentment there if he's not willing to bring you what you're asking, and it's as simple as a birthday cake. So sometimes birthdays can be a limits test on our relationships. So I'm just calling that out because sometimes our partners don't want to celebrate us, don't want us to be happy, or they feel like they don't have happy birthdays, so why should we? It's subconscious stuff, it's deep, yeah, but just calling it out because birthdays can be pretty fraught, actually.

SPEAKER_00 18:51

That's so good. I mean, it's just good to think you like to remember that, right? And to think about, particularly if you are somebody who doesn't enjoy their birthday, to some of these prompts to really think more deeply around the why behind that and what could shift so that it could be different going forward.

SPEAKER_01 19:09

Exactly. And I have one thing's one thing that came out this year is the companion workbook to my book, How to Have a Happy Birthday Workbook. There are questions in the back of the book, but this is a journal format where it really helps you dive deeply into what your birthday issues might be and then how you can change the talking of that, right? What those messages are, how can we clarify them and affirm them in a new way. Also, some birthday ways you could have birthday ideas and stuff like that. Another reason people don't like having birthdays, Dion, is especially as women in middle age, is we don't like getting older.

SPEAKER_00 19:39

I was that was exactly what I was gonna ask you next, Tamar, because I do think that's a real thing too. It's just like reality of facing another birthday means I'm older. I'm getting closer to whatever in our head. And yeah, so tell us about that.

Protecting Energy And Morning Grounding

SPEAKER_01 19:55

Well, in our current society here, especially here in the United States, possibly true in France, in Europe as well, aging for women is a four-letter word. It means that we start to lose our power, we start to become invisible, we're no longer attractive, we're no longer sexy, we're no longer desirable, we're no longer marketed to, unless it's like geriatric commercials. I mean, there's all sorts of ways that society reflects to us that getting older isn't really as ideal as staying young. It's a billion-dollar industry to market all the products that make us look more youthful, let alone the surgeries. We know, we understand that. And so I've really been challenging that. I'm 59 and a half, I will be 60 in January. And it's a big age, and I understand that. And I am older and I'm no longer middle-aged, and my senior citizen years are coming, and I'm dealing with that. It doesn't mean it's easy to deal with it, but it's a reality that I'm facing with an open heart and an open mind and no shame, right? And no fear. The thing that that I challenge is this idea that we have to give up our power as women because we are older. I actually think, on the contrary, I have more power now at this age than I've ever had before. And what I realized years ago is that actually nobody gets to define my power. That's my job, right? So I don't care what you think of me being a 59 and a half-year-old woman with graying hair and wrinkles, think of me what you will, but those are your thoughts. I get to live my life according to how I view myself, how I am feel empowered, how I run my energy, how I use my creativity, how I show up in my life. That's for me to decide. And nobody gets to validate that or invalidate that. And that's part of what's liberating about getting older as you realize that aging actually is a blessing. It's a privilege. We all know people that didn't make it to our age, and we wish that they were here. And if they were here, would we judge them for their gray hair or wrinkles or being older? No, of course not. We'd celebrate them. Aging is something, it's a journey we all go through. I will say this as I'm getting older the body changes, right? And so the aches and pains and the osteoporosis start showing up. And I don't recognize this body. I don't recognize, and in the mirror, the age is coming quickly. I'm not, I'm having to get used to a new version of myself. I know what I looked like for the past 50 years, and I look pretty much the same, but now the person I'm seeing is changing quicker than ever. And so I have to adjust. My self-image has to adjust. And that's that's that's I'm taking that on with joy. I'm curious to see what I'm gonna look like as an old woman, hoping that I make it that far, you know?

SPEAKER_00 22:16

Yeah. I'm sure anybody else who's watching this video, too, I look at you, you're beautiful and youthful. And I feel like I talked about this a little bit in my last episode, is that yes, there are there's physiological aging that, you know, happens that there's only so much we can do to slow that down. But there's also the emotional mindset piece of all of this as well. And I think that just to to piggyback on what you said about really stepping in or just not even stepping in, maybe embracing your power as an older woman, particularly I'm thinking like after 50. We we have so much to offer. There's so much wisdom and experience and impact we can still have in the world. When think about Crohn's, like the women, the older women were the one who people went to for advice, for spiritual uh support, all the things, right? And I think when you step in and really embrace that, also gives off a very youthful energy. And like when I think of you tomorrow, it's what does a 60-year-old woman look like? I don't know, like that is a big spectrum, right? But I think having this energy behind you makes you seem 40. It just brings a different energy to the plate.

Hosting, Help From Friends, And Sacred Day Off

SPEAKER_01 23:30

I love that. And I want to talk about that a little deeper. So I so I so part of me wants to say thank you. And another part of me is but wait, why is youthful better? Yeah. Like I why can't I look 60 exactly the way I am? Yeah. And it's not to challenge that idea, but I want to say instead of being youthful, I want to use the word vital. I have vitality, I have radiance, right? If I'm aging the way I want, whatever age I am. And the reason I've been questioning the compliment, because a lot of people do compliment me. You don't look 59, you look whatever. And it is a compliment. So thank you for that. But it also reinforces that idea that looking younger is better, that looking younger is the compliment. What will what do I get to look like Georgia O'Keefe? She's a role model of mine in terms of how she aged with her power and her dignity. And boy, did she have wrinkles at the end of her life and that white hair. And I hope I look like that, but there's going to be a transition point where I'm not looking so youthful anymore. But do I have my power, my radiance, my vitality intact? Those are the words I want to hear reflected back at me to show that I'm living my life the way that I hope I am, because it's from the inside. It's not the external beauty creams and beauty treatments, it's the inner journey, it's the inner joy that can be harder sometimes than just using the beauty creams and the surgeries to make us look young. I saw there's an Amazon commercial running right now, three old women, and boy, do they look old. And they're sitting on a bench and they're watching kids take a sled down, and one of the women buys the woman cushions so they can all go sledding. If you see that commercial, you'll know what I'm talking about. But they look old and they are old. And I just thought, God, what would they look like if they had all the treatments? Like they wouldn't look their age. And I realize I want to look their age one day. I want my great niece, I don't have kids, but I want my great nieces and their kids to see Aunt Tamar looking like an old woman. I want to be that crone. And we're disappearing, right? We're keeping ourselves so useful so long that we're disappearing. And I don't think that it's actually helpful. Because ideally, we're all going to get old. And what does it look like to role model aging with our power of vitality intact and no apology for whatever it is that we look like? So thank you for letting me dive into that because I think a lot about it. And I feel like an aging activist.

SPEAKER_00 25:36

Yeah, I actually really love what you said because the idea, you're right, like culturally, we equate beauty with youthfulness, but there can be beautiful aging as well. And I think it's really behind this idea of radiance and vitality and energy that we're bringing forward with us as we get older. And so I am gonna be very mindful to use radiance and vitality instead, because that is the essence of what I meant, but I used a word that's like culturally ingrained in me.

SPEAKER_01 26:09

Yeah, totally. It's ingrained of all of us, right?

SPEAKER_00 26:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:11

That's that it's like we're under a trance. And so I'm just trying to break through that trance by understanding the power of words.

SPEAKER_00 26:18

So important. So important. All right. Is there before we wrap up, is there anything else either from the book or related to aging that you just want to make sure we touch on before we finish?

The Birthday Blues And Sabotage Patterns

SPEAKER_01 26:32

If anybody's interested in reading my books, How to Have a Happy Birthday and doing the workbook, I recommend you do it at least six weeks before your birthday in anticipation of your birthday. And if you're gonna give this as a gift to anybody, as a birthday present, give it to them six weeks before their birthday as an early birthday present. Because the experience I've had from people, I know a woman who was turning 60 didn't want to do anything for her birthday. And then her sister gave her my book and workbook, not thinking she'd even get into it. The next thing you know, she's like planning a kid's birthday party for herself, had the best birthday ever. Like she realized she had a choice to take it to take a different approach to her birthday, especially the milestone birthday. And I'm really touched by those stories, and I know that they're out there. And so for anybody listening who feels like they don't believe they can have a happy birthday, they don't feel they deserve one, they don't want to put the energy out for it. I highly encourage you to consider the very real possibility that you actually do deserve to have a happy birthday and you do deserve to feel special and radiant and joyful on your birthday. And that is possible, but it just takes your choice and a little bit of effort. And think of it as a practice. Your next birthday may be incredibly different, like amazing, or it may just be a little bit better. But if you're birthday avoidant, but taking steps to make it better and to open up each year after year, I promise you, can be transformational and joyful. And I just want to thank you, Dion, for the work that you do to, and I just want to let listeners know I've been working with Dion to prevent cancer. My parents, I have cancer in my family, and I don't want it myself. And Dion's been somebody I've known for years and is just a brilliant nutritionist and thinker and researcher. And I just, I'm just so grateful for what you do to ensure that hopefully we can have more birthdays because of the work you do. So I just want to thank you for that.

SPEAKER_00 28:14

Oh, thank you for saying that. I mean, that is ultimately the goal, right? To have as many healthy, happy birthdays as we can for whatever time we have on this earth. And I think your book is a really great way to help us have a happier birthday. And I also appreciate the idea, the what you just mentioned of make rather than giving it to somebody on their birthday, like as the gift, give it early so that they can, so they can shift what their birthday experience is actually like.

SPEAKER_01 28:47

Yeah, so they can put it to work. I once read something about birthdays. I was in my 20s and I read a book, and there was a moment about birthdays. Actually, it was the seed was planted to have a spiritual moment in the morning, which I had never done. And I had read it two weeks after my birthday, and it resonated so deeply. And I was so bummed I had to wait 50 more weeks. Oh, I couldn't wait till my next birthday. So I realized give the good advice and give it early.

SPEAKER_00 29:09

Yeah, so maybe Christmas is a good time to just get it out to all of you, the people you love, so they're ready for next year. Exactly. I will make sure in the show notes we have links to Tamar's book. So if any of you are interested in ordering either the book andor the workbook, you'll know where to go. Tamar, do you also have a website or a way for people to connect with viewers at best through your through the book? No, I do.

SPEAKER_01 29:32

It's simple. It's how to have a happy birthday.com. And there you can find out about my book. You can the podcasts I've been on, my birthday coaching. So how to have a happy birthday.com. And also the book exists in ebook, an audiobook, hardback, paperback. So there's all sorts of ways that you can access the book.

SPEAKER_00 29:50

Perfect. I'll make sure we link to your website as well, too. Because I think yeah, I want people to have access to this resource. It can really shift the way, not just Experience your birthday, but I think the way you even just appreciate your life as you grow older, it's a different way to think about it. Totally.

SPEAKER_01 30:07

And I just want to be very clear if it isn't already clear. This is a self-help book. This is not about coordinating your cupcakes with your balloons. It's not so it's a deep book and it's easy to access, but it is a self-help book. So just some people, even though it seems obvious at this point that it is, I just want to make that clear.

SPEAKER_00 30:23

It's not a party planning book.

SPEAKER_01 30:24

It's not a party planning book. No.

SPEAKER_00 30:26

It's set up your ritual and go deep book. Exactly. Yeah, it's that. It's great. I'm here for that. That's why that's why we have you on the show. Tamar, thank you so much for joining us today. I really appreciate it. Thank you everybody for listening. I hope this was fun and it maybe brought a different perspective to like your birthday. And this is not something that's talked about very often. So I'm excited to bring this to you. And I look forward to seeing you or hear having you hear me again soon on another episode. Take care, everyone.